also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
