his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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