Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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