I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
