is your mom at the bar?
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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