how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
