Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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