i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
