id be glad to
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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