i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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