I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
