i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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