I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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