He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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