he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
