the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
