there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
