He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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