Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
