just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
