Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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