The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
