Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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