I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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