How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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