I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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