I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
