If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
