he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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