there's paper in my vomit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
