Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
