there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
