before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
