Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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