I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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