I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
