The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
