I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
