My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
