i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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