hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
