Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
