What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
