he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
