Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
