Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
