I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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