Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
