We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
