My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
