Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
