You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize