He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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