So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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