My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh god it's open bar.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
