just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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