Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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