hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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