either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
