Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
