I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
