not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
