i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
