I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
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Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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