Already got asked if we're dating
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
