those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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