fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
as a side note pls kill me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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