If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
