I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
