Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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