My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
