Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
