apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
