Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
